Glass Half Empty

April 24. 2008. What a crazy/terrible/enlightening/etc day. It started out alright, if you call a snow storm at the end of April alright. McKay has a terrible bum rash that could be a bacterial infection, or a yeast infection, allergic reaction, or just a bad rash...which no Dr. can diagnose. The chiropractor broke my back, and I slid off the freeway exit because I was stopping to fast. Wow, I'm laying down finally, and listening to Norah Jones.
"feeling down, by the fire, the long day is over now"
My long day has finally come to an end. I feel a little like a pessimist, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But surely I feel the right to be a little negative. Life is sometimes hard, it's sometime trying. I feel like maybe we shouldn't try to be so perfect, and happy! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST HAVE BAD DAYS! Maybe if we just got out all of our negativity all at once, more people would be happy.
I guess this is the time when we should count our blessing, and be grateful for what we have. I guess this the time when I should be looking towards the light..you know that half glass full stuff.
What about we just forget out that for now. I feel like a deserve a little bit of half glass empty.

1. Car sliding off the road. I was late, of course, so I was speeding down the freeway which by the way was all backed up because the weather decided to have a freak snow storm at the end of April! I ran my car into the dirt/grassy part of the side of the freeway which made me more late All of this steamed back to the fact that I was late leaving my mother-in-laws because I couldn''t find McKay's bottle and he was screaming for food food food. I was late getting to my mother in laws because Dylerhti didn't want to come in early, and I couldn't figure out how to leave work on time. This actually goes back to the fact that I can never say no to anyone when they ask me for a favor. I shouldn't have even been working, but I had to switch my schedule all around because there was a wedding tonight that I had to go to. Gosh...and you don't even want to guess. I made a special book for this wedding which they didn't even use, why, because I don't know. I spent 40 dollars and hours of work making this book, but I guess it all just steams back to the desire to be generic and boring and using a plain white book that people just sign on lines is better.

2. Mckay's bum rash. Seriously. This is so bad. Its looks like a third degree burn. Everyone I talk to has a different idea/solution. Nobody, even the doctors don't know what this is. Why do they go to medical school, so they can educately guess what is wrong with your child. I have been prescribed four different things that won't work, they don't know what it is....so, I just keep trying and trying and nothing is working. Nothing is fixing this, which I don't know why this upsets me I guess it would just be nice if we could get a straight answer that I didn't have to spend 20 copay after 20 copay trying to figure out.

3. FREAK SNOW STORM. Talk about seasonal depression. Why the is it snowing on April 24. This is the time for spring, flowers, short sleeves and walks in the park. I think the weather is just taunting us...it wants us to think that it is getting warming and the BAM! snow! I feel really tired of this back and forth.

I feel really upset that all this crap had to land on one day...but in keeping with the glass half whatever, at least it landed all on one day, because that means I should be free from these disasters for a while. Tomorrow should be a better day. It should be brighter and cleaning and full of fresh new excited surprises. But, until then I'm going to be gloomy and grumpy.

Success?

I have recently found out from my computer savvy brother that blogs are like an online journal, as opposed to a photo album. With that being said I've decided to share some of my thoughts. Malcolm's grandma died last week and we went to her funeral a few days ago. There were so many people there. Grandma Felt had twelve children and they all had children and those children had children and really it just keeps going. The Felt family is also unlike any other family I have met. They all love doing things on the edge. They are all traveling, starting businesses and moving to every end of the earth. I listened in envy during the conversations about London, and Paris, and California, and Indonesia. I awed at the many business ideas and money making strategies. What a family! I was a little mad, I felt a little robbed. Malcolm and I have faced obstacle after obstacle, trial after trial. We conquer one only to find the next one knocking at our door. This is not a pitty party, but these feelings did inspire an internal reflection. What was our problem!! I screamed bitterly to myself. Why can't we see the world, why can't we just be successful? Was it because we married young, was it because we had our baby soon after that?
And then I stopped myself (begrudgingly for sure) maybe my definition of success is different. Maybe my definition of success was wrong. For many people...like my brother Scott, marriage and a family is the ultimate success.
For those who can't have children, we are VERY successful.
For Heavenly Father we have succeeded in many ways as well.
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What is success then? Is a line, is it clear cut. What does it mean to be successful? I want to argue that success is not meeting any goal, or passing such finish line. It's being happy with what you have and where you are at. This is not complacency, for this is the opposite of success. But perspective in your life. Perspective enough to see that tomorrow is only 13 hours away, and with tomorrow you have the opportunity to accomplish many more things. Perspective enough to be happy with your circumstances.
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Maybe this is success. I don't know. I still want to have more money and see more places and have more time, and be with my husband more, and have a bigger house and have more energy and have a degree and have a wonderful job. Man, I want a lot of stuff.
.....
I would consider my success somewhere along the lines of contentment with a small dose of excitement and want to do a little more, see a little bit more, be a little bit more.
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According to the dictionary success is the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors. So maybe at the end of my life when I am kneeling at the feet of my Savior, I will, along with my God, determine my success.

BABY FOOD!

YUCK! well, really, truly, seriously it's not that bad. I actually tried some. The sweet potatoes taste pretty dang good, its just the texture that gets ya. This is McKay's first experience with baby food and he didn't really go for it. Since then he has been a lot better about it, he is almost eating it. I'm trying out different kinds...the poor boy is just always so hungry (must get that from his dad).

McKays new smile!

Mckay has been smiling for a long time, but lately he has a new smile. He is pulling off a full, cheek up smile. I LOVE IT! I think he is just the best looking baby out there!

Mckay's First Haircut

On Monday we went to get Mckay's hair cut. It was intense to say the least. I'm sure that I looked a little outrageous with my entire house with me. I had our bags, my camera bag, my hair collecting device and an abundance of toys to keep Mckay preoccupied and happy. The hair dresser was cute and nice, she was so good with Mckay. We didn't need the collection of gadgets, because Mckay was as happy as ever. He sat on my lap and held still, he even giggled and laughed. Now, I think hair cuts will always be pleasant if I can just figure out how to keep Mckay this beautifully content! The first picture is the before picture with the "tsuami" the ones after are with the spiky "fohawk"--thats right, I'm all up in the styles.

In HONOR of Grandpa Marshall

We love Grandpa Marshall. He was such a wonderful man, father, husband, grandfather, and great grandfather. I wish I knew he better, but he touched my life in ways that I was never able to tell him. The night these pictures were taken, Malcolm and I wanted to ask Grandpa if he was excited. He was so close to seeing the Savior and meeting our father in heaven. We didn't, and now I so wish we had. But, if we had I believe Grandpa would have told us he was excited and ready. He was so close to our savior and I'm sure that he spent his life living ready to meet the Savior. At his funeral we were showered with visitors. They all had the same thing to say--"John was such a great man. He touched my life and changed me for the better." I hope that people will say that at my funeral. Grandpa Marshall inspired me to live a better life--to live prepared to affect people for the better.

Baby and his Teddy Bear

Mckay got a teddy bear for christmas and he just loves it! He will cuddle it and kiss/eat it. It's adorable!