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My Nevernever land is never more

I woke up today at five o'clock because I couldn't sleep. I was restless. Malcolm and I got into a little tiff last night and I totally blew up. I feel awful about it. I was totally out of line. But, truthfully, I don't think I've been in line for a long time. Malcolm and I don't always fight, that not what I'm talking about. I'm officially never going to grow up!
Last night I kept saying "when are you ever going to grow up" and the karma just came full swing, it only took about 8 hours..I HAVEN'T GROW UP YET!! I don't always throw tissy's and I'm not always hitting the other nice boys. I just haven't grow up yet. I woke up today and realized I'm fighting this adult thing tooth and nail. I'm stuck, I'm still 17. I have a baby, a husband, a mortgage, I'm starting a business, and still I'm not an adult. I'm flying the other direction as fast as I can.

I work at a day care. I love it, and totally I think I'm weird. I play with the kids, and I have so much fun. I'm actually the favorite of all the child care providers and most of the kids now me by name and come to me when they are sad. I've always had a harder time talking to adults. Real adults, you know like teachers, sometimes other parents, leaders--and it's because in my head I'm still a little child. Now, I know I'm melodramatic. But seriously!! Today is the day that I finally realized, I need to grow up.

How do you grow up. All of my friends, my close friends are grown up. They just did, gradually I guess. What if you missed that bus. What if I missed the classes? Am I supposed to just decide to be an adult, have adult conversations, do adult things? All of the sudden?

These are difficult questions. And this proves my maturity level. As I'm sitting here blogging because I have no one to talk to about this at five in the morning..I'm assessing how sucky it is to be an adult. You don't get to have fun. You have to spend your life doing stuff for others--cooking cleaning, child rearing. Not that those are bad, but WHAT ABOUT ME! I want to pursue my dreams, I want to do what I want to do. Ok, I've proven it. I'm a child. I don't want to be a child, I don't want to be an adult. I have a dilemma.

I need to grow up. I need to grow up. I need to grow up. Life isn't make believe, but I wish it was. Honestly I don't know what to do. I know that I'm 21, going on 22 and really honestly it's becoming pathetic and I hate it myself, but this process of shedding the child and becoming you-know-what just isn't coming easy for me. I know I need to do it, and I want to do it. But, the question is how to fly home from your never never land, when everything you've ever known is holding you back.

Life shouldn't be this hard. Life should manage it's self. ( here I go again with my childhood issues) I don't want to grow up. I don't want to give in to that beast...I just want to be, ME. Who is me, I guess I don't know. I guess me will just have to fight this inner struggle on my own, because seriously, anyone who reads this will probably think I'm crazy. And heck..I totally agree.

SOLE ENVY LOGO

Sole Envy

Like many of you know Malc and I are opening a shoe store in the Provo Towne center mall in..like 4 weeks. We are pretty much down to the nitty gritty now..ick! We are FINALLY having our logo designed, and these are the seven concepts. We have unlimited revisions with the design company we are working with, but I just thought I would ask the like....5 people that read my blog which one they think is the cutest..or the one that is moving in the best direction.
THIS IS MEGA IMPORTANT!! please help me out, my artistic skills are bare minimum.
p.s. they won't copy well because of all the legal stuff we have to go through at the end of something..anyways we don't have the final files yet, so just get a basic idea.
THANKS!

McKay's first trip to the ER

On Thursday, McKay and I were just at work having a wonderful day..and then suddenly BAM! McKay lunged for a toy and hit his head on the corner of a cupboard. I thought at first that it was just a little bump, but when I went to pick him up he was bleeding everywhere. I, of course, freaked out and didn't know what to do. Everyone at the gym were such dolls and helped me get McKay to the hospital. When we got the hospital McKay had stopped crying and was acting just fine. The bleeding kinda stopped, and I thought that we weren't going to even need stitches. I was still shaking and in shock when the Dr. started the stitches--10 beautiful stitches and 2 underneath because it was so deep. McKay was so brave, and I have a feeling this is only our first trip to the ER. My baby is so active and wild, I can't even fathom the things that are going to happen from now until he is two or three.
p.s. thank goodness I'm such a chill mom, I thought I would be freaked out a lot more, but I did really good, but a tribute that to my brave child. McKay wasn't freaking out, so I wasn't!

Finally...our VACATION!!

Ok, it's taken me forever to post about our cruise!! I couldn't get the pictures off the camera, and then the pictures were shot in RAM, which I guess is a special thing that makes the pictures higher quality...long story short--I'm going to start the story of our cruise now.
Malcolm and I headed off for Mexico menus one baby! It was so hard and sad to leave our baby, but man it was so nice to have some alone time for me and my sweetheart. The cruise was wonderful, it was a Carnival Cruise, so the boat was a little out dated, but still amazing. Malcolm and I slept until 1:00-2:00 everyday to catch up and spent the rest of the time eating or seeing the sights. Unfortunantely it was a little cold, so we didn't catch very many waves but it was still warm enough to see the sights and hang out side.
The first day we went to Catalina Island where we rented a golf cart and drove around the island. It was so beautiful and green. We decided that someday we might live there for a summer..it was just calm, quiet and beautiful...here are some pictures.


Malc and I on top of one of the mountains. There is a beautiful view in the background, but I don't know if you can really see it...you can barely see our cruise ship down in the bay.

Malcolm in our Golf Cart!



A picture of the Bay



Our Cruise ship as we ride the boat to the Island.


Malc and I kissing behind a palm tree (just keeping it PG kids!)


The next day Malcolm and I went to Mexico and it ended up being really cold, so instead of playing the water, Malcolm and I rented some four wheelers and found these sand dunes a couple miles down the beach. It was so awesome, we rode the four wheelers all day long. Here are some pictures.




The last day we spent on the boat just hanging out with a cool couple we met that actually live in provo! Clay and Trista..small world, Trista took piano lessons from my Mom when we lived in West Valley!





All in All it was an awesome vacation! I'm so glad that Malcolm and I were able to have some time to our selves to regroup! I think that this vacation was therapy enough for me!

more family pictures

I'm a little computer handicapped so here are the rest of them...

Family Pictures

wow, family pictures are a lot harder when your baby moves around. Scott took a photo class and I asked him to take some pictures of our family outside. In my head I'm thinking this is going to be wonderful and beautiful and what memories...well, McKay was a little stink head the entire time. And, yes! I'm resorting to using stink head as a name for my beloved baby boy. Malcolm and I smiled and we looked great and the scenery was beautiful, but in most of the pictures McKay looks like he is trying to get away, cry, or lash out. I can't figure out what happened to my angel?!! I'm guessing he just wasn't into the camera that night, but regardless THANKS SCOTT!! for taking all these wonderful pictures. Also, if anyone has some good tips on how to trick your children int0 1)looking at the camera. 2)smiling at the camera 3) staying still for the camera-- I'd be much obliged and excited to hear them!